telulah

She & Him

Tuesday 30 Mar 2010 by telulah | 6 Comments

I'm heading to the Bowery to see She & Him, so psyched. My friend Pierre called with an extra ticket, so I cut out of Fin. It's slow and Chef's drunk again, hiding under his desk, what a piece of work. Anyway, since there's no one around, I told Butt's I was leaving. He stuttered, "no worries, babe." "Babe, I'm not your babe, grow some balls," I yelled. He laughed, and I left. I swear all the men at Fin are getting on my nerves, except Dean, love him.
Fuck all, I'm going to have a blast with my buddy Pierre and let go of all the bullshit that's been following me around like a puppy dog this week.

Telulah loves Die Antwoord

Friday 26 Mar 2010 by telulah | 21 Comments

is a Zef-Rap act from Cape Town, South Africa consisting of three members, Ninja, Yo-Landi Vi$$er and DJ Hi-Tek.

Check 'em out.

No money, but need a haircut?...

Wednesday 24 Mar 2010 by telulah | 646 Comments

Sign up to be a Bumble and Bumble model. It's a great way to get a cool, funky haircut for free. Believe me, you'll walk away, very happy. Since I'm really paranoid about my stalker situation, I'm not posting my photo, but I wlll post a photo of a model whose hair looks very similar to mine. Sorry, too bad, I'm too freaked out right now. You'll get a glimpse of how rockin' my new cut looks. Stop by Fin to see the real mcCoy.

Here's the link to the website with all the information about being a model posted. One thing I'll say is that you must be willing to explore haircuts. If you're looking for a boring, straight cut, this is not the place for you. However, if you want to walk out of the salon with a new, funky cut, sign up here...
http://www.bbumodelproject.com/haircuts/

My new kick-ass cut, love the fuck out of it.

S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y Night!

Saturday 20 Mar 2010 by telulah | 515 Comments

I will never look at Round Guy and Kool Aid the same way again. Every time I think of them, I laugh. I keep envisioning them on the bar in their underwear, singing to Bay City Rollers, "S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y Night." Round Guy gyrating against Kool Aid was a sight for sore eyes. Let's not forget about the Superman boxers he was sporting, and Kool Aid's boy brief Steelers underwear. Talk about two sloppy messes. I knew this was the beginning of a hook-up, and I was right. Things got absolutely fuckin' crazy. Fin was deserted due to the insane nor'easter. Fin's staff took full advantage of the situation, and we partied through the wee hours of the night. I can't remember the last time I had so much fun. Georgina's mission was to let loose, and get wasted. All of which she accomplished like a rock star. Henry even graced us with his presence, as well as Delroy. Delroy spun all sorts of music from 70's disco to eighties super-hits, name it, he played it. He was surrounded by his entourage, which quite frankly cracks me up. How many dishwashers do you know have an entourage? You gotta love it, I know I do.
Delroy is the coolest, mutha fucker out there.

As the night progressed, the music became more mellow and ganja smoke was emanating throughout the room. It was one big smoke factory of kindness. Delroy's entourage kept singing, "affi smoke di herb, affi smoke di herb." We were all quite stoned and having a chillaxin' good time.

The highlight of the night, or shall I say, "the scary part of the night", was seeing Round Guy and Kool Aid going at it, doggie style. I'm not sure if they thought they were being discreet by fornicating in the corner, but it was time for all of us to bounce. The visual was too much for me to take, as well as the rest of the crew.
We all jumped up, and Henry yelled, "don't forget to lock up."

What a great S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y Night!

When Irish Eyes Are Smiling...

Wednesday 17 Mar 2010 by telulah | 37 Comments

Sure, 'tis like the morn in Spring.
In the lilt of Irish laughter
You can hear the angels sing.
When Irish hearts are happy,
All the world seems bright and gay.
And when Irish eyes are smiling,
Sure, they steal your heart away.

When you're done walking in, or watching
the St. Patrick's Day Parade, please join us
at FIN with St. Patrick's Day
DJ Lucky Charm...
spinning traditional and non-traditional Irish music

-------------Happy--------
--------------------St.----------
--------------------------Patrick's----
------------------------------------Day!--------

Drink specials:

Green Dublin Apple Cocktail
Green Apple Schnapps
White Cranberry Juice

Irish Ale
Michael Collins Irish Whiskey
Ginger Beer
Lime wedges

Irish Coffee
Hot Coffee
Irish Whiskey
Sugar
Whipping Cream

Irish Eyes
Irish Whiskey
Green Creme De MEnthe
Cream
Maraschino Cherry

Irish Martini
Vodka
Vermouth
Irish Whiskey
Lemon Twist

Irish Whip
Vodka
Pernod
Cuban Rum
Creme De Menthe
7-Up
Orange Juice

Jameson and Ginger
Jameson
Ginger ale
Squeeze of lime

Leprechaun
Irish Whiskey
Tonic water
Lemon twist

Shamrock Shaker
Kahlua
Milk
Amaretto

Waste of time!

Wednesday 10 Mar 2010 by telulah | 14 Comments

I spent over two hours waiting to speak with a police detective about my stalker. I knew they would not be able to help me out, especially since I don't know who my stalker is at this point in time. I believe it's the guy who showed up at my snow party, who no one knew. Since I have no evidence or proof there's nothing I can do. Jim, the detective, told me to keep on the lookout, because he thinks the stalker is very close by. I told him about the harassing messages, but since the number on the caller id reads private, there's no way to trace it. He sent someone over to my apartment to write up a police report about my lock, so at least that's documented. I took plenty of photos and have kept all the messages.
Basically, I have to wait for the prick to strike, and bust his ass.

UPDATE: 3-11 8:11 AM

Sam walked me home last night, and we both noticed a guy was following us about three hundred feet away, opposite side of the street. All of a sudden Sam dashed across the street to catch him and they both raced around the corner, out of sight. Sam returned a couple of minutes later. He could not catch up with him, but he managed to get a vague description of the dude. He says he's quite tall, dark hair, and slim. He was wearing an old-school Adidas track suit, black with white trim. Needless to say, Sam slept over last night.
Before gossip spreads...he slept on the couch.

Also, I just realized I didn't explain about the lock situation. When I came home on Tuesday night the lock to my apartment was tampered with, and it was obvious someone tried to break in. That's why Jim sent a cop over to write a report, thankfully.

This whole situation is starting to get on my nerves. I didn't sleep well at all last night. I'm extremely tired and wish I could get some well deserved sleep.

I hope my day is brighter!

Answering machine...

Tuesday 9 Mar 2010 by telulah | 140 Comments

I'm at Fin hanging out at the bar. It's slow right now, so I decided to check and see if I have any answering machine messages at home. Well, I do, and there are over ten messages from my stalker. One where he's barking, and another he's insanely laughing. Let's not forget the one that lasts over a minute where he clearly sounds like he's masturbating. This is getting a bit too weird for me, and I'm going to make a stop at the police station tomorrow. Sam will once again walk me home tonight.

The Bad!

Wednesday 3 Mar 2010 by telulah | 11 Comments

Butts, he's the owner of Fin and a real character. We have a very good relationship - basically I tell him what I want, and I get it. It's always been simple and easy.

Well, not this weekend. He practically fell into the bar lounge on Saturday, eagerly in need to speak with me. Bright red faced and all. If I didn't know any better, I would have thought he's been drinking all day, but that's not the case. He was nervous. You see Butts is a money man, and that's one of the many reasons he loves me. I bring him the veggie bacon. Since I took over Old-Man-Luke's position as bartender at Fin, the sales have increased by 70 %, and Butts is a happy little camper.

What he's currently upset about is how I was a no-show on Friday, during the major snow storm. Telulah a no show at the bar=no sales. He was so worked up when he came over, he could barely speak. Mumbling words I couldn't understand. He was reminding me of Milton from Office Space. I made him a screwdriver and after a few sips, his neurosis settled down. He took a deep breath and released six words, which were, "whyee were youee a nooo show?" I simply said, "I wasn't a no show." I explained how I called numerous times and could not connect with anyone. When I finally got Fin's answering machine, it went dead. As a result, I believed Fin lost electricity like so many other New York establishments. I tried calling Georgina, Chef, and Henry, and got no response. After that, I thought I had a day off and had a "Snow Party" at my place.

Butts, "Um, eeh, oh, I had nu idea, sorree." He jumped off the bar stool, and nervously shuffled away with his stapler in hand.

Before he walked out of the bar I said, "Um, you're going to have to talk to payroll about making sure I get paid for that day, since it's no fault of my own that I didn't work." He waved his hand and mumbled, "Eeh, um, ok, ok."

I love this place.

NEXT!

HOLY Blizzaro!

Friday 26 Feb 2010 by telulah | 48 Comments

I have not seen this much snow in New York City, ever! It's a winter wonderland!
Last night, a bunch of my friends had a snowball fight with about twenty neighbors between 2nd and 3rd street. So much fun! After the fight we headed to Max Brenner (Union Square) for some hot chocolate delight.

NO WORK FOR TELULAH!

I'm not sure if Fin has power or not.
I tried leaving a message, and right in the middle of my message, the line went dead. I can't get in touch with any Fin employees. A few friends have no power, so I wouldn't be surprised if Fin lost power too.

Party at Telulah's!

Please come over to my pad and chill. I'm having a "snow party" beginning at 3:00pm today. Delicious hot chocolate, cauliflower cheese soup and fondue. So head out the door, enjoy the snowfall and let's have a PARTAY!

BYOV= Bring your own VINYL.

Later in the evening an acoustic show with Lower East Side's own
"Perky Nipples."

It's going to be a blast, so swing on by!
Kind bud, what?

My street!

6:16 PM
The snow party's jumpin', friends are bumpin', shits getting crazy. Pierre just walked by nude with a sock over his dick. Georgina, help! I'm stoned!

9:29 PM
Having so much fun spinning vinyl and hanging with friends. Perky Nipples are just about to begin their acoustic set.

10:16 PM
A strange guy showed up a half hour ago, and stayed for five minutes. I didn't let him in, I believe I was in the ladies room. I noticed him leaving and asked around to see who he was, and no one knew. I got a creepy feeling about him immediately, and so did my friends. I swear for some reason I was thinking he's Soleman, the guy whose been leaving nasty comments on our blogs. I'm kind of freaked out about it.

Day after "snow party" 10:42 AM

Tired, hung over. Very freaked about that guy showing up at my party. Sydney and Pierre slept over and are helping with the clean up. My place currently reminds me of this song, which we are cranking and singing along with for motivation!

Broken glass everywhere
People pissing on the stairs, you know they just don’t care
I can't take the smell, I can't take the noise
Got no money to move out, I guess I got no choice
Rats in the front room, roaches in the back
Junkie's in the alley with a baseball bat
I tried to get away, but I couldn't get far
'Cause a man with a tow-truck repossessed my car

Chorus:
Don't push me cause I'm close to the edge
I'm trying not to lose my head, ah huh-huh-huh
It's like a jungle sometimes it makes me wonder
How I keep from going under
It's like a jungle sometimes it makes me wonder
How I keep from going under

Dear uniformed bloggers, this is short and sweet.

Tuesday 23 Feb 2010 by telulah | 17 Comments

You know who you are! If you're going to blog about Fin, that's great.
But please make sure you are informed of what's truly going on at this
"Top Seafood Restaurant." Research and know what you're blogging about.
Fin's Chef isn't named Pedro. Where that came from I don't know. He did not attend school in California either. I'm sick and tired of all the lies and false stories running amok on the internet. I will begin to call out every blogger, so you've been warned.

Have a great day!

UPDATE: 11:55 AM

By the way, my family are not terrorists. FUCK you.
My dad is Italian, and my mother is Native American.
More about this later on.

« Older Entries

Newer Entries »

She & Him

Telulah loves Die Antwoord

No money, but need a haircut?...

S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y Night!

When Irish Eyes Are Smiling...

Waste of time!

Answering machine...

The Bad!

HOLY Blizzaro!

Dear uniformed bloggers, this is short and sweet.

Telulah Bean is…

SWANK MARTINI

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