telulah

Cool project on Kickstarter!

Sunday 25 Jul 2010 by telulah | 112 Comments

My friend told me about this really cool project at Kickstarter.
Chin Chin Productions is raising funds for "The Caine Batter," a film directed by Jennifer Lynch and starring Lindsay Felton. Based on a book written by Devin Pugliano. Catcher in the Rye, Ironweed and Romeo & Juliet have a threesome in the 90's and a new tragic love story was born. love. death. vacuums.

Donate ten bucks and you get a copy of the film. I recently saw Jen Lynch's "Surveillance," and all I can say is the film kicked serious ass. I loved it! When I noticed her name attached to the project, I had to donate. I just ordered the kindle version of the book. Click away, donate at Kickstarter and buy the book, you will not be disappointed. What are you waiting for?
I'm so HAPPY to be a part of this super-cool project!
Open your wallet, let the moths fly out, then DONATE .
Al my peeps at Fin, better donate.

Did I mention music by Blind Melon? I hope "Paper Scratcher" is in the film.

A N X I E T Y!

Thursday 15 Jul 2010 by telulah | 327 Comments

Chill tingling, nerve rattling, ANXIETY. I just woke up in the middle of the night in complete FEAR!
I'm so nervous and my anxiety level is high up on the meter. I can't remember if I had a bad dream or not.
This feeling sucks! To make matters worse and real scary is the fact that I fell, let me explain.
I passed out on the couch, and woke up hours later in a panic. I was extremely hot and a nervous wreck. Feeling dehydrated, I desired a glass of water, so off to the kitchen I went. Upon filling my glass with water, I began to walk, and my legs felt wobbly. I continued walking, and felt like I was losing more and more of my balance. Before I knew, I hit the floor, landing first on my knees, then on my chest. Honestly, I thought I had an aneurysm, because I heard one big boom, then another. I realized that the booms I heard were me hitting the floor, and not my head exploding. I don't believe I passed out, though I'm not sure. What I do know is that the glass remained held in my hand, a little water was on the floor, so this is why I don't believe I passed out. I went to the couch and stayed panic-stricken for a half an hour. I could not understand why this happened, I still don't. My knees are all banged up, slightly bleeding, because I only had underwear on, and gave myself some serious rug burns. Well, I'm freaked out and confused.
ANXIETY sucks, it's crippling.
I'm confused, did I mention that already?
Thanks for reading. I'll be at Fin tomorrow, so stop by and be kind, I'm quite fragile these days and I wouldn't be surprised if this had something to do with my stalker ordeal. I have not slept well in quite some time.

Fuck that walking dick stick!

Wednesday 23 Jun 2010 by telulah | 221 Comments

Pussy Stalker is Georgina's "Dude," or shall I say former "Dude." His real name is Adam Stone. This freak-of-nature has been stalking me since junior year in college.
So many pieces of the puzzle have connected since he's resurfaced. Remember the Grape Bubble Yum story? Well, he was in attendance when I told the story many moons ago. He's also the one who recently taped the Grape Bubble Yum to my door. Adam attended the same college a year ahead of me, different major. We met one night at a mutual friends party, and I gave him my number. He seemed cool, but then he called, and called, and called, and called, I think you get it. In the first week alone he called 23 times, and I never spoke to him. After three calls, I decided he was too pushy and stalkerish and did not return any of his calls. This pissed him off, he couldn't handle the rejection. He found out where I lived and would leave gifts at my door, and one of those gifts was a copy of the film, "Sid & Nancy." He compared their tumultuous relationship to our relationship, even though one never existed. One night while coming home from school, he was standing in front of my building. He threw a can of mace at me and said, "to protect yourself from people like me," quickly walking away while demonically laughing. That was it, he was freaking me the fuck out. He wrote many bizarre letters that were very disturbing. Oh and there's the cd he made with fifteen songs that he wrote and recorded about our (fake) relationship. I think the point of no return was when he wrote a poem with cut-out letters from magazines and newspapers that connected us together as blood lovers. What's next, is he going to kill me? His actions were reminding me of a serial killer. I had to get a restraining order against him, and I was told he was sent to a mental institution. He was gone and I was able to live life. Well, at least I thought so, until now...

He used Georgina to connect with me, and I feel bad and saddened for her unknowing involvement. She was innocent and he fucked her physically, as well as mentally. She really liked "Dude" and he had a hidden agenda, which was to get close to me again. I knew something was up with her "Dude." No one met him and he kept leaving her house in the middle of the night. She also showed up to Fin a couple of times with bruises on her arms. I confronted her at the time and she denied his involvement, but also dodged me for a long time. He wound up getting a job at Sole, Fin's number one archenemy. For months he was working right next door to Fin, and I had no idea.
You know what? As I'm writing this I'm sick to my stomach and I feel like blowing my chow. That's it! I will not write about this walking piece of shit anymore. I feel like I needed to explain my absence this past month. Once again, I had to obtain a restraining order and I was assured he's out of the city. I heard he moved back to the West coast.
What's important to me right now is to heal myself, as well as my girl, Georgina.
Fuck that walking dick stick!

I have no idea what anyone has been up to at FIN, so I look forward to getting back to work.

Here's to wiping the shit away... "I Just Can't Be Happy Today..."
but tomorrow the sun will shine.

TELULAH is out of commission!

Saturday 8 May 2010 by telulah | 34 Comments

A Handjob from Heaven

Monday 26 Apr 2010 by telulah | 238 Comments

So many interesting events at Fin this past week. Georgina's been acting rather strangely, I think her "Dude" is out-the-door. She seems medicated. I still have not had the chance to speak with her, she keeps avoiding me like the plague. This week she will talk.

Chef's back to hiding under the desk. He was on a one man rampage with himself. I'm convinced he has multiple personalities that surface throughout the day. I'm going to call him, "United States of Chef."

And there's my own visual trauma, meaning... Kool Aid and Round Guy doing it doggy style in the kitchen. After the initial witnessing of their sex act a while back, I thought I would be desensitized, but no such luck. Kool Aid's Pittsburgh Steelers tube socks, and droopy, cellulite infested ass, gets me every time. Not to mention Round Guy, well, his name is Round Guy, so one can only imagine. Big, hairy ass as wide as a refrigerator.

The employee highlight of the week award goes to Angela. I'm convinced she's running a hand-job service for geriatric men. Let me take it one step further and say, "she's stroking, licking, and sucking for money." I'm not the only one at Fin who believes this to be true, so ask around. Last Thursday her "regular" geriatric patron, Luigi, stopped by Fin. The usual time, 4:00 PM, right before the dinner rush. He sits in the same corner every time. I'm in the bar/lounge area, and I have a pretty good view of the entire restaurant. Luigi sits against the wall and Angela always sits beside him. Well, I barely paid attention on Thursday but I noticed her hand went down below the table and I saw Luigi smile and move a bit. It happens every Thursday, so I walked away from the opening of the lounge to the back area to spin some music. I was in a Led Zeppelin kind of mood, so "good times, bad times", was cranking and I was dancing around.
Fast forward... Angela's frantically screaming, "help, help." I run out of the lounge and witness her pumping Luigi's chest as fast as she can. I called 911 and the ambulance came, real-fast. They began CPR and started rolling Luigi out of Fin. Luigi came to with a smile and blew a kiss to Angela. She smiled, pulled down her short skirt and happily bounced away. United States of Chef was also there and he muttered, " handjobs will do it every time." Thankfully, Luigi will make a full recovery.
All I can say is, "what a stroke of luck."

Folk-rock troubadour Adam Green’s debut art show, Teen Tech is extended until May 2nd.

Monday 26 Apr 2010 by telulah | 227 Comments

I'm very excited to check out Adam Green's debut art show, "Teen Tech", at Morrison Hotel Gallery. It was originally scheduled for a two-day run, however, due to overwhelming demand it's now extended through May 2nd. This makes me happy. I was stuck working long hours at Fin all week. The insanity that outpours in that establishment is unreal, and awesome. I work with a bunch of fruit-loops, and I love it. I need to update you all on what transpired last week. Here's a hint, "Angela." Enough said.
Anyway, I think Adam is an amazingly talented musician and I welcome the opportunity to check out his original artwork. Could this event get any better? Yes, a portion of proceeds will be donated to Artists for Peace and Justice.
Rock on Adam, you fucking rule!

Pussy Stalker and Grape Bubble Yum

Friday 16 Apr 2010 by telulah | 728 Comments

I was in the best mood last night at Fin. I consider myself a happy person who lives life to the fullest, and last night was one of those super-fantastic, extra happy times.

Delroy and I were chillin' in the lounge, he was spinning a variety of music, mostly old school hip-hop and reggae. He made a batch of his secret brownies and brought them into work. I think you know where this is going. I ate a brownie and damn... I was flying high. I don't remember much of the night, and who knows how much the bar sales were and who cares, I was stoned. I was in a chill, cool, happy mood, so much so, I told Sam he didn't have to walk me home that night as I was feeling very stalker-free. Yes, I know this doesn't make sense, so let's remember... I was stoned. Sam reluctantly agreed, but I know he followed me home, at a distance, to make sure I was safe, which was nice. I entered my apartment building around two in the morning. When I was walking up the last set of steps, I glanced up at my apartment door and was startled. There was something attached to the door. As I reluctantly got closer to the door, I looked to the right and left, then behind. I let out a big, "no way", and saw a pack of grape bubble yum duct taped to my door. I moved closer and noticed on the right side of the tape, in black marker, it read: ♥ PS. I quickly called Sam, he was two minutes from my house, I was right about him secretly following me home. He got there in a flash, out of breath and quickly gave me a hug. I said, "Sam, I don't get it, this is way too weird for me to absorb." Keep in mind, I'm still quite stoned. He pulled out his cell phone and took a photo of the door (I will not humor pussy stalker by posting it). Then he opened the door and we went inside. Needless to say, he slept on the couch, once again. At this point in time I'm mad. Mad as hell. Fuck this loser piece of shit. He will not win. After an hour or so I was no longer high and I began to process what transpired.

This is where it gets interesting...

Do you remember when we had the nor'easter a few weeks back? Fin was completed deserted, except for the crew and we all hung out very late. Well, most of us got to talking about personal stuff, there were no limits. We covered a bunch of meaningful conversation and not so meaningful. That night I told the story about when I was in school at NYU, I burned my arm.
Here it goes...
A bunch of college friends were hanging in my apartment and we all got high. After a few hours they left and I continued smoking a bit. All of a sudden I grabbed a piece of Grape Bubble Yum. I opened the wrapper and began holding the gum in one hand and stared at it. For some reason I took a lighter and began melting the gum. I had the piece of gum in my left hand, eye level, and the lighter in my right. Long story short the gum began to melt and a piece dropped on the the inside of my lower right arm. I actually burned myself with Grape Bubble Yum. I have the scar to prove it. Anyway, all at Fin laughed their asses off, me too. It really is a sad, stoner story, that doesn't make sense, though it happened. Here's my point, the only people that know about this story are a few close friends and the staff at Fin. So this means that someone at Fin is stalking me, or a friend of someone who works at Fin is stalking me, right?

I'm not pointing fingers, but... Georgina's dick, I mean "dude" keeps on leaving her place in the middle of the night. She never knows where he goes or what he does, and this is always when Pussy Stalker strikes. Also, I never met him, nor has anyone at Fin. Perhaps I'm a bit paranoid right now, but remember the time Sam walked me home and we noticed someone following us on the other side of the street? Sam ran after him, and was able to see he had dark hair and wore an Adidas track suit. Hmmn, didn't Georgina say her dude wears track suits often? I don't know what's going on, but I've said it many times before... this guy sounds like a complete fruit loop and I don't mean that in a good way, at all. Take a look at Georgina's posts and you may agree with me. Georgina, I'm sorry I'm bringing this out in a post, but it could be a possibility. I'm sick and tired of this shit, so please keep this in mind.

Once again, I call on PUSSY STALKER to show his face.

I'm a f**king train wreck!

Monday 12 Apr 2010 by telulah | 7 Comments

I took the day off from Fin to run a bunch of errands. Well, the day started off with the eye doctor, fine enough, right? The doc tells me I need progressive lenses, what the fuck is that? Sounds serious. "No", she said. "It usually happens with age." Age? I'm 27. She laughed and blew me off. I did not have the time or energy to inquire further at the moment, so I picked out my lenses and left. Truthfully, I was very hungry and wanted an organic smoothie from Andy's. Delicious!

I got in about two hours ago. I wanted to make pasta with fresh peas, basil, garlic, and pecorino romano cheese. Easy enough, but not for me. I was reaching up in my cabinet for the pasta, when the glass bottle of olive oil fell and hit my counter/sink/floor. A full fucking bottle of oil. I stood still for a good minute, I seriously did not know what to do. So many little pieces of green glass, I thought to myself. Wow, holy shit, how am I going to clean this up? I touched my leg and realized I had oil all over my leggings, even my underwear. I quickly tip-toed out of the kitchen seeing broken glass outside in the living room, and whipped my clothes off. I ran cold water in the tub, and tossed them in. I threw on some new clothes and began cleaning up and making my dinner.
Well, I cleaned a little, then all of a sudden I remembered I had running water in the tub. Mad dash to find the tub overflowing, FUCK. I quickly grabbed towels and began the clean-up. As I was just about finished I heard a smoke alarm go off. For a minute I thought, douche nugget once again made his alarm go off. That's the guy across from my apartment. But not this time, the douche nugget was me, run, run, Telulah. I jumped quickly onto my counter, which is
how I've managed to shut off the smoke alarm in the past. This time I slipped, shit, I forgot I still had oil on my counter. Fuck that hurt as I lay on the floor. But I had to quickly get up, because I forgot the peas were burning. I swear I did not make this shit up. I'm a total spaz.

I couldn't deal, so I simply grabbed a bottle of wine and now I'm drunk in my living room. Screw cleaning up. Where is anybody when I need them?
HELP! I need somebody!

I wanted to write about my pussy stalker, because I have a crazy update, so maybe tomorrow.

It's a crazy train at Fin!

Monday 5 Apr 2010 by telulah | 258 Comments

Chef's an alcoholic, among other things. He's been acting so weird lately, I don't know what to do.

Get your shit together, I'm here for you, but stop pretending you're fine. I caught him under his desk again. This time around he was talking to himself, well, not exactly. He was talking but to another character in his mind, so there was full dialogue about a girl named, Jenna. He went from rambling on and on to a catatonic state. I clapped my hands, loudly, three times, and he came back to reality.

Georgina's been a no-show to a bunch of planned events. Most recently, a get together at Washington Square Park. When she showed up to Fin later in the day, she was acting aloof about the blow off. I noticed what appeared to be a bruise on her right arm. "What the fuck", I said. "Did your dude do this to you?" She laughed, and said there was no bruise from Dude on her arm, she simply banged into a door. This is not cool at all. I told her we need to talk about this later. That was days ago, she keeps blowing me off.

And Stalker is back and more fucked up than before...
Stalker keeps calling and leaving messages.

I also received a postcard that read:
You are my delicious treat! Ha Ha Ha! You will be mine!

Once again I call on PUSSY STALKER, show your face.

"Mental wounds not healing
Life's a bitter shame
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train ."

Love is in the air in N.Y.C.

Thursday 1 Apr 2010 by telulah | 10 Comments

I'm out and about in the city and it's so nice out. Everywhere I look I see love...holding of hands, kissing. It's a beautiful thing, kind of makes me hungry for some loving.

I'm hanging in Washington Square park listening to some musician guy named Harley. Very cool folk musician that happens to be deliciously handsome. Georgina's supposed to meet me with her little cutie pie son, but so far she's a no show. Always running late that girl, oh well, my mind and eyes are stimulated by Harley.
Georgina and I have to be at Fin by four, so I hope she gets here in time to enjoy the day.

Stalker update: I will not ruin my day thinking about this piece of shit, but he's back. I got home last night and had three breathing messages, followed by an obnoxious one filled with laughter, towards the end he said, "I'm back." What a freakozoid, I know he's reading my posts, so... show your face, pussy.
Pussy stalker, check out the image below, it's what I'm going to do to you when I find you.

« Older Entries

Cool project on Kickstarter!

Fuck that walking dick stick!

TELULAH is out of commission!

A Handjob from Heaven

Folk-rock troubadour Adam Green’s debut art show, Teen Tech is extended until May 2nd.

Pussy Stalker and Grape Bubble Yum

I'm a f**king train wreck!

It's a crazy train at Fin!

Love is in the air in N.Y.C.

Telulah Bean is…

SWANK MARTINI

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